you look lovely today.

You’re almost 4 months old already. I write you this letter so that one day, when you are a big boy who can read, you will know what a special part of our family you are, right from the very beginning.

One year ago, you were but a twinkle in Daddy’s eye, Jack. He started dreaming about warm, snuggly babies as we were busy planning our wedding. About a month after our special day, I started feeling sick and tired. Just the smell of iced coffee - one of my favorite treats! - was too much for me to stand. I started to suspect that you were growing, and finally one day it was time to face the facts. I was scheduled to go to a doctor’s appointment where they were going to take some x-rays, so I took a test. In the ladies room. At work.

As you know, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I called Daddy at the hotel where he was working and told him the big news. He says he fell over where he was standing! I left work early that day and went to meet him for lunch. I remember eating mashed potatoes and biscuits at the bar at Red Lobster. The bartender thought I was silly. Daddy and I couldn’t stop grinning and laughing. What a fantastic surprise!

Carrying you around made me tired! One day, I stopped by the hospital because I was feeling sick, and they made me sleep over so they could run some extra tests. It’s a good thing that I went, because the doctors learned that there was something wrong with the way my body was working. They put me on special medicine and arranged to see us on a more frequent basis. We started going to the doctor two times a month to listen to you swimming around. This was good practice for Daddy, who sometimes felt sick with worry for me and you.

As you grew bigger, I loved to feel you tumble in my belly, Jackson. Every evening, after dinner, you danced and punched and kicked. I grew to expect your fluttering and jabs around 7 o’clock, and on the days when you were sleepy or relaxed, I worried. Sometimes I made Daddy drive me to the birthing center where they would hook up speakers so we could listen to your beautiful rhythmic heartbeat and hear nurses tell us what good shape you were in. He always obliged, no matter what time it was, because he liked to hear you, too.

At our first ultrasound, we were hoping to learn if you were a baby boy or a baby girl, and you were uncooperative. You were laying on your belly, facing the floor, and you kept your legs crossed until the very end! At last, the technician triumphantly announced “OH, this is a boy!” and she circled the proof on the screen. Then, she printed us a screenshot of your face & we laughed at how long your tiny face looked. I was sure you were going to look just like Daddy!

Your lung tests showed some inflammation and possible infection. The concerned doctors decided to give you oxygen and keep you in your own room in the special care nursery. That first night, you had a very special nurse named Sheeba who took care of you. You were the only baby in the nursery, so she was able to spend lots of time with you. She showed Daddy how to change your diapers, how to comfort you, how to hold you even with all your tubes and monitoring wires. I wasn’t ready to walk over to your nursery yet, so Daddy slept in your room to keep you company. Every time you squeaked or cried, he woke up to check on you.

We are having so much fun getting to know you. In the hospital during the first week of your life, you had a reputation for peeing on nurses while they tried to change your diaper. Hilarious. You are strong, Jackson, and you love to show off. At your two month visit, you impressed your pediatrician by rolling over. Twice! You love to do backflips with Daddy’s help. You smile at us constantly and love to make us laugh. You sleep through the night and love your mid-morning naptime with Daddy. You are a champion eater. We’re waiting for your first tooth to pop through, because you have been drooling for about a month now. No matter how we put you in your crib, you roll on to your belly and scoot to your special corner before falling asleep. You are very talkative these days. Your favorite sounds to make are “ella” and “gee”. We’re still waiting to see what you say first: mama, dada, lula or prada.