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She actually begged me to buy her the zombie finger puppet—-a female one holding a brain—-but when we got it home she told me to hide it in her closet. A few days later she whispered to my wife, “I know that zombie girl is in the closet.” So I brought it downstairs. Even with the puppet exiled among boxed Christmas decorations and piles of ill-fitting clothes, I still have to field random questions concerning zombie lore throughout the day. Why do zombies only want to eat brains? Why do they shamble so? Are there child zombies?1 What about zombie fairies? What happens in Night of the Living Bed? I recently made the mistake of showing her the Thriller video, which BLEW HER MIND because she had no idea that ZOMBIES CAN DANCE. “Do zombies take dance classes?” she asked. Then, as if we were Filipino prisoners with nothing better to do with our time, we had to practice zombie choreography in the living room. I didn’t sign on for this.
